Mental Health · Miscellaneous · Uncategorized

“I saved a life but I’m not a hero”

I’m not a hero, I’m just someone who was in the right place at the right time. On the 1st of August, my cousin went into sudden cardiac arrest which caused her heart to completely stop. I was walking back to my house after going shopping and heard my Aunty shouting/screaming me from a few windows down. I dropped my shopping and went to see what was wrong and well I saw my cousin lay there non-responsive. She had no colour, her eyes were rolled to the back of her head, no pulse or no breath.

I think I must have just went into auto pilot, I moved her so she wasn’t slumped and just started CPR. Listening to the instructions my uncle was giving me from the caller on the other end of 999. I just couldn’t think of anything else. My aunt had opened the door ready for the paramedics. They were amazing, they arrived within 5/6 minutes of being called. When the paramedic told me she was going to take over, honestly I was relieved. In my mind though, I was thinking have I done enough, will she be okay. These thoughts were constant.

In the end there ended up being 2 ground ambulances and an air ambulance. The sound of the defibrillator will haunt me for the rest for the rest of my life. Hearing the sound of that going off again and again, bringing my cousin back every time she slipped out of life again was horrendous.

She ended up in ICU in an induced coma on life support for 3 days before being moved to a critical care ward in cardiology. Seeing someone you love on life support is the hardest thing you’ll ever do. That moment again, I was just praying I’d done enough before the paramedics came to keep her going.

She’s now in recovery with the diagnosis of long qt syndrome waiting to have an ICD fitted to help her if it happens again. Today marks her second week in hospital and second week since it happened.

I’ve had Paramedics, Doctors, Specialists, family and friends call me a hero. I don’t feel like one, I was in the right place at luckily the right time. I still can’t get my head around any of the events of that day, what happened or just anything to go with it.

I don’t feel like a hero, my thoughts and my actions make me feel like a fraud. Heroes are supposed to be brave right? Every time an ambulance goes past I feel sick and can feel panic coming back. Every time I see a sign for a defibrillator my heart goes just that bit faster. I’m hoping these feelings will soon become easier to handle but what I do know is I’m just so grateful for the fact my cousin is still here.

Crissy xo

Miscellaneous · Uncategorized

Sleep Easy 2018

So on Friday the 23rd March I took part in the YMCA Sleep Easy challenge. The tag line is “sleeping rough so others don’t have too”. For me taking part in this was something out of my comfort zone. I hate being cold, not having enough sleep and generally being uncomfortable.

It’s took me a week to write this post as I wanted to ensure I wrote what I felt. In the time I spent doing this challenge I reflected a lot on things that I take for granted and also had a change of perspective.

I got there for 7pm and I met everyone, got signed in and was given two boxes to make my little ‘house’ for the night. Other people started arriving and everyone was having a chat. I didn’t actually know anyone so was just talking to a few people. There was a competition for the best decorated box, so we had a bit of a laugh painting the boxes and sticking random stuff on.

We had a bit of food, listened to some stories of how YMCA Sleep Easy will help benefit those in need and also had a couple of buskers play for us.

Around 11, everyone was settling down going to their ‘beds’. By this the time the temperature had considerably dropped and even though I had 4 lots of layers top and bottom I was still freezing.

Throughout various points of the night I wanted to cry. I was cold, uncomfortable and in pain. At around 3am I was ready to throw in the towel, my head was killing as I still hadn’t slept and I just wanted to go home. This was when it really hit me, those who live like this every single night have no choice at all.

The impact it must take on these people physically and mentally is ridiculous. Something needs to be done as this can no longer and should no longer be happening. Every person has the right to somewhere safe to live, to be healthy and to be equal. I hope that this year is the year where change begins to happen and every person who is in that situation will not have to sleep rough again.

This experience changed my perspective on so many things, including how lucky I am, what I can do to help others and how just to be a better version of me.

Here you can see a little snapshot video of my night put together by HeadStart for me.

Bye for now



25 Questions about me

So I thought I’d do a post which tells you a little bit more about me as my first few posts were very out there and personal. So here we go. 

1. What is your middle name? – I don’t actually have a middle name as my first name Is double barrelled. 
2. What was your favourite subject at school? – I loved music and also religious studies. I find it so interesting to learn about different religions and cultures. 

3. What is your favourite drink? – A good cup of Tea is the way to my heart but I do love a hot chocolate especially in the autumn and winter. 

4. What is your favourite song at the moment? – Erm IDGAF by Dua Lipa as I feel like I’m relating to it at the moment.

5. What is your favourite food? – I love a good pasta dish, carbonara is my absolute favourite. 

6. What is the last thing you bought? – Some boots, a few jumpers & a blanket from Primark.

7. Favourite book of all time? – This is a hard question as I have a few favourites but my all time favourite book is Harry Potter & the Philosophers Stone. It was the first book I was able to read on my own all the way through and well I’ve been a Potter head ever since. 

 8. Favourite Colour? – Blue 

9. Do you have any pets? – I do, a lovely rescue staffy called Marley. We will have adopted him a year ago on the 6th November. 

10. Favourite Perfume? – Daisy by Marc Jacobs.

11. Favourite Holiday? – Christmas, I just adore the season and the atmosphere that comes around the time of year. I love being able to treat my family and my god-children and Just see everyone come together. 

12. Are you married? – No.

13. Have you ever been out of the country? – Yeah, I’ve got the travel bug! I’ve been to Florida, California & Vegas in the USA. I’ve visited China and trekked the Great Wall. I’ve taught in India for two weeks, visiting Dubai on my way back. Also been to a few places in Europe; Slovenia, Verona, Rome, Tenerife, Kos. I’ve got so many more places on my list though.

14. Do you speak any other language? – Considering I took French for A level, I probably should be quite fluent but I’m not really.

15. How many siblings do you have? – None. 

16. What is your favourite shop? – Waterstones as I could spend hours in there. 

17. Favourite restaurant? – Erm my go to restaurant is Bella Italia if that counts?

18. When was the last time you cried? – The first week of October, it was a very testing week and I just needed a cry. 

19. Favourite Blog? -There’s a few that I read daily:

Gabby Fabrizio

Hannah Gale


Alice Spake 
20. Favourite Movie? – Peter Pan but Harry Potter comes a close second. 
21. Favourite TV show? – Friends, Pretty Little Liars & Full House.

22. PC or Mac? – Mac. 

23. What phone do you have? – iPhone 6.

24. How tall are you? – 5ft7 & 3/4 (the 3/4 is really important). 

25. Can you cook? – Erm not really but I’d love to learn properly. 

I hope you found that even the slightest bit interesting! 

Crissy x